When it comes to general family dynamics, there's one thing people on social media seem to agree on: the mom's side of the family just hits different. In one viral TikTok from October 2024, Brooke Monk compares how she acts around her dad's side of the family to how she acts around her mom's side of the family, and the differences couldn't be more clear.
Whether it's your maternal grandma who always has your favorite snacks stocked in the pantry or your aunt who feels more like a second mom than anything else, the extended family on your mom's side may not feel "extended" at all. For as often as you see them -- and as much as you genuinely enjoy seeing them -- they just feel simply like family.
The dynamic on your dad's side though? For some, it can bring different vibes. When you visit them, things may feel a little less natural. There may be more small talk and formalities, and you might struggle to connect with an uncle or cousin whose humor feels a little too condescending or worse: political. Even the holiday family traditions might feel unfamiliar and forced.
But is there a psychological reason why people generally bond better with their mom's side of the family? Or is it purely a coincidence? Below, adolescent mental health expert Caroline Fenkel, DSW, LCSW, explains.
Caroline Fenkel, DSW, LCSW, is an adolescent mental health expert and the chief clinical officer at Charlie Health, a treatment program for teens and adults struggling with their mental health.
There's no hard and fast rule that states you'll come out of the womb being closer with the maternal side of your family. For some people even, they may be way closer to the paternal side of the family. But according to Dr. Fenkel, there are some "psychological and relational dynamics" that can explain why the maternal side of the family tends to be more popular.
One reason is because mothers tend to take on the "emotional labor of maintaining family connections," Dr. Fenkel says. This can be by way of hosting the holidays at your house or planning vacations to see each other. "If a mother prioritizes connection with her side of the family, children naturally have more exposure to and familiarity with those relatives," Dr. Fenkel adds. And because men are less likely to take on this role, you may not connect with your paternal relatives as much.
Another reason why your maternal side could be more comfortable for you is because "maternal relatives traditionally play a more significant role in caregiving," Dr. Fenkel says. "Especially in childhood." If your maternal grandma spent more time babysitting you or at your house than your paternal grandma when you were younger, it makes sense that you'll feel closer to the maternal side.
Additionally, "if a child feels comfortable and safe with the mother, they may also extend those feelings to her family," Dr. Fenkel adds.